The Incredible Retroactive Man

No one can deny the talent of actor Elliot Page. Known for many years by the now dead name of Ellen Page, the actor is a proven quantity in terms of performative talent. Time and time again this truth has been established in films like Inception, Hard Candy and Super. However, the actor’s greatest accomplishment has come from their role in the film Juno. 

With Ellen now solidly affirmed as Elliot, great pains have been taken to erase the dead name of Ellen Page from the annals of Hollywood history and affirm that Ellen never truly existed. It was actually tthe man Elliot Page who was always starring in those roles as various female characters. None more important than the character of Juno, in which the then Ellen (now Elliot) portrayed a pregnant, teenaged girl.


Retroactively this has made Elliot (then Ellen) the first ever man to portray a pregnant woman, though we cannot rule out that Juno was not always a pregnant man since they are never truly asked their pronouns or had their gender identity affirmed in the film. When asked about this retconning of their filmography to reflec the new normal the former Ellen had this to say:

“I am beyond honored to be retroactively recognized as a trailblazer and trend setter as the first pregnant man on screen (if you don’t count that episode of the Cosby Show, or Quantum Leap, or countless other performances). All the years of hard work, introspection and activism have been worth it to validate the Pregnant Man Emoji created by Apple.”

Let us all celebrate the rewriting of history, reality and science in the name of one’s personal truth triumphing over 100,000 years of human cultural norms.

By Murica Jones

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